Pam and George Martinez gave some of us boys a no-nonsense, straight talking prayer book before they left. It had 365 entries, one for each day of the year. In the first few pages (i've only gotten that far) there's an admonishment about being fatally ashamed for things we do not surrender to God.
I made one such blunder today.
I had a thing i knew i should have asked God about, but i went ahead and dived in head first. As usual, the pool had been emptied for maintenance and i came up feeling like an idiot.
You see, I was sms-ing a friend, making grandiose statements about surrendering my life to God and His most divine purposes for me. My friend then asked me something, or made a point rather. But being overly brilliant for my own good, I misread those intentions and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. But just before i hit the 'send' button, i heard a little voice of caution. I hesitated and then said to myself, "Oh come on... it feels good to declare one's everlasting love."
So the button was hit.
=) I flushed pink with embarassment as soon as a curt reply came back. I know that some people think it's impossible for a tanned (not black, mae) person to show pink in their cheeks. Maybe it's hard to spot, but i definately felt a flush of heat. I could only smile idiotically and have a laugh at myself - False pretenses revealed, selfish plots exposed.
I'm sure my friend doesn't think too much of it. But it's not the words that matter. It's the heart of it all, and how i deceive myself into thinking all the wrong things. So much for keeping my focus on God. A lesson re-learnt is a lesson... well... no less problematic really.
