The Serenity To Love And Be Loved
You know, the title of this post sounds like it's been slow-cooked to perfection by centuries of heavy frowning saints as they hold their receding hairlines in their sweaty palms. Its got that rare biblical quality that impresses upon you it wasn't written by someone employed by Hallmark. If a dying man was given the chance to mutter his last words, that sentence would probably be one of his top three considerations. Or he might just say 'oh fuck' in which case his family would insist that it be engraved on his headstone.
But to me...
Love is hardly serene. It certainly has its tender moments but i'll never describe love as calm, collected and competent. To me the embodiment of love would be a scruffy pariah puppy. A complete mess from having the bitches in it's family tree fucked by various neighbourhood mongrels, as well as the odd pedigree-ed mutt. But you'd never be able to ignore that puppy. Something in its eyes will make you wanna give it a warm bath and doggie biscuits for rolling over. You would be illogically smitten, especially after realising this pariah puppy will wreck your life.
Because love isn't easy or smooth. It's disobedient and unpredictable. It will seek out your ideals and dismantle those crutches rivet by rivet till you're on your knees and face to face with your handicaps. That's the wonder and beauty of love. It's true nature is strip you and turn you inside out with pain, confusion and ecstasy. How wonderful.
After years of church life, this is my conclusion. How wonderful. I'm not taking pot shots at church or anything like that. I'm just saying love is bloody difficult. Ask anyone who's been in it, either of eros, phileo or agape. It is a fucking mess. To know how messed up it is, just think of someone you hate and what God said about loving your enemies.
"Ooo... can anyone truly love someone like _____ (enter a name of your choice)?!"
But love we must because we come from church. Because we come from sunday school. Because we come from mountain retreats and prayer havens. Because we come from the presence of a true God of love. I know i make it sound so blasphemous and but love to me is downright dirty. Falling in love is hiking up your jeans and jumping into knee length shit to look for the pearl you gave to that swine of a _____ (instructions as before).
I guess i'm writing this post because no one who regards church as an important component of his or her life, should have any misconceptions about it. We all preach about loving people effectively and exacting positive change is their lives do we not? This is what it takes. Are you ready to forget who you are? Your sense of pride? So that you can love someone so deeply it moves their lives?
I don't know if that possible but i'm committed to finding out. So i'm going to stop hating people who have hurt me, people who have disappointed me and people who are still doing one or both of those things. Mind you, i haven't been a saint myself. I've cut more people than i care to remember, even innocents. But yeah, let's question ourselves. Let see for our own eyes if we care to live like we speak.