Wednesday, April 02, 2008
What Ever You Do, Don't Do A Joshua
If a stranger came to church and for whatever God forsaken reason asked me for the most important tip about blending in at CLGC, i'd tell him to never (not even if his life depended on it) do a Joshua.
A WHAT?
A J-O-S-H-U-A.
Or a Joshua Tong to be precise.
Simply because this church doesn't appreciate weakness and it sure as fuck doesn't understand vulnerability. Oops, sorry, i didn't mean to cut to the chase so quickly. I like smart sounding banter before actually getting to my point. Must be the lack of sleep, or was it the borderline psychotic rage? Same difference at this juncture.
So yes, i'd explain rather throughly that to be an accepted member of CLGC (that's not a double affirmative in case you wondered; some members we choose not to accept anyhow, anyway) you'll have to:
1. Put on a smile every Sunday
2. Praise the Lord in fiendishly fast tongues
3. Use the word "Jesus" as punctuation in your prayers
4. Train to become an expert at maintaining normalcy, even if your soul is in tatters
Feel free to muster some tears in between either of those requirements and you're set to be:
1. Loved
2. Respected
3. Given positions of leadership
4. Given free reign to exploit the fact that love covers a multitude of sins (i.e. church disciplinarians closing one eye if you don't behave)
Josh Tong, either out of sheer stupidity and/or naivety, continually and stubbornly adheres to the notion that church is place you can feel safe. What a ninny. So you know what he actually does? He opens up - reveals for all the world his cock-ups and mistakes. He even goes so far as to hand over his life into the hands of his leaders, to mold as they see fit. So they set for him rules and boundaries designed to protect him. And to protect others from him. I realise judging people's intentions can be iffy, but at CLGC, it's not so much like reading a book as it is reading childrens' flash cards.
If you want to be a dumb fuck and get your life fucked with, do a Joshua. Go ahead and open yourself to thoughtless rebuke, mindless judgement and infinite prejudice. Oh yes, you'll be despised for being honest.
So i'd tell that stranger to do a Jason, a Simon, a Desmond, an anybody else for fuck's sake. But don't do a Joshua. And that stranger will listen because no one is idiotic enough to open himself to ridicule and hatred. Is that fair? No it's not. But this is church, not real life where people still know where the boundaries are. Tough luck stranger. I hope the poor guy didn't come expecting love and understanding. At CLGC, that's only handed out to deserving individuals who maintain the best veneers. It's all about knowing how to hide your inadequacy at this church. It's your very key to survival and a good night's rest.
And don't you ever forget that.
12:49 AM<3
