Did you know, John Lennon once said the Beatles were more popular than Christ, and was subsequently shot 6 times?
Did you also know, bisexual Mexican poet Juan Don Juan once puffed on his cigarette before blowing the smoke (second hand, no less) up into the sky saying, "this one's for you Jesus." He later died a horrible death to lung cancer.
Did you know you tongue hold the keys to life or death?
Did you realize, well meaning Christians still send out imbecilic emails with a fair warning to guard your tongue? - ok, fuck, i'm probably the first specimen who should take that advice seriously. But humour me and let's exercise a spot of imagination ok?
So there's a fat girl with the cutest bangs in my office who wants to take me to her church after i derided her for sending out those stupid emails. She says i'd really like it there. People are friendly, the food is excellent (did i mention she has large buttocks? like super-ultra-super-super-ultra big), and that God always makes a grand entrance. Plus, everyone there knows their tongues hold the keys to life and death.
I swear i wanted to respond sensibly, but i convulsed as vomit built up in my larynx. After regaining control, i thanked her and said i would consider it. Her double chin wagged enthusiastically as she nodded her approval. She's a sweetheart to work with, but only on her good days. Other times you wonder - is this the same peach (after peach, after peach, after peach) of a girl who only yesterday said God is pure love and unfathomable wonder?
Cutting it short, we had a little back and forth over email which ended when she asked if i was still going to church.
I had to admit, it had been a while. So long i still feel it necessary to condemn well-meaning morons. I mean, i've overweight too. Who am i to judge her?
Sigh...
